sharing is self caring
HOW SHARING IS TRULY SELF CARING
I just returned from my longest trip away in Melt by Melissa history last month!
Frances (our studio manager, melt babe, my soul sister) and I spent 2.5 weeks journeying through Peru together.
We joined 70 lovely humans for a retreat led by a local shaman, his trusty team, and a handful of other expert leaders, doctors and musicians; that we’ve followed and admired in our years of self-discovery.
To say this was a HUGE, once in a lifetime opportunity for us is an understatement.
We knew in our souls that this adventure would be life changing.
That there’s no way we could come back home unchanged.
And as all transformative experiences go, we couldn’t possibly anticipate just how exactly we would be impacted or to what degree.
The truth is, the real magic happens in the unknown and unknowable realms when The Universe gets to surprise and delight us.
So naturally, we dove in head first.
Our time in Peru included:
- Guided visits to various ancient Incan and pre-Incan sites sprinkled throughout the Sacred Valley.
Major Highlight Moment: Machu Picchu which has been top 3 travel spots on my bucket list for the past several years; it was as mind blowing and breathtaking as I’d ever imagined it would be!
- Live concerts, yoga, meditation, teachings, and integration circles
- Authentic Andean cultural experiences – learning about their way of life and witnessing traditions that have been passed down for generations.
- Eating dessert with breakfast every day :) because, when in Rome/Peru!
- Sitting in 5 plant medicine ceremonies (3 huachuma + 2 ayahuasca)
*Note that both plants are grown here / native to the region. Peru is one of the only countries in the world where these plants are protected and served legally. Plant Ceremonies are part of their indigenous history and religious tradition and have been used for healing, divination, hunting, and diplomacy as far back as we know.
I’ve not spoken / written about my walk along the plant medicine path over the past several years – and now, it feels quite strange to not authentically open up about what a major part of my life and tool for personal evolution this medicine has been.
You could say I’ve been living in some kind of “spiritual closet” I suppose.
However, that feels like another blob write up for another time.
For now, I’ll share that the bulk of this post poured out of me into my journal in the midst of my second ayahuasca ceremony in Peru.
I tend to scribble all kinds of notes, nuggets, downloads and letters to myself or others during these journeys. Notes that prove to be exactly whatever my soul needs to hear and be reminded of at that moment.
As many of my insights come through, this one was short, sweet, and crystal clear.
“When I’m not sharing, I get sick.”
“When I’m not sharing, I get sick.”
I wrote it in huge letters three times down a page.
I’m sick right now because I’ve been letting myself become a clogged up drain!
You see, I went to Peru on my deathbed…
I rarely ever get sick and when I do, I tend to bounce back quickly. But I came down with a super intense rock my world flu and 103 degree fever just days before take off.
I was sooooo run-down and deeply disappointed to be hanging on by a thread going into this trip – I’d been looking forward to this for months and I knew I needed a full gas tank going into all the adventure.
My Less-than-Higher Self was screaming “WHYYY MEEEE. NOOOO! NOT NOW!”
My Higher Self knows all too well that there is medicine (aka lessons and pearls of wisdom) in everything.
Especially the stuff we don’t necessarily like and that makes us uncomfortable.
I was VERY uncomfortable.
I had been run over by a train.
Lethargic during the 19 hour trek down there.
I had a creepy, incessant cough that made me so insecure around a group of people I’m just meeting – I ate like 4887345 cough drops a day.
I’m having a hard time even taking a full breath AND now we’re at altitude. HALP!
Overall I just felt so much added stress because I wanted so badly to be my healthy, happy, vibrantself.
Then, to top it off …
I got a crazy stye in my eye a few days into the trip and my right side was swollen shut almost the entire trip!
My vision was blurry.
I looked like a cyclops.
Wuf. Kick me while I’m down.
I was pulling out ALL of my eternal optimist tools to keep my spirits up.
At the end of the day, the best way for me to handle hard stuff that life throws at me is choosing to radically own everything that shows up in my reality – trusting that it’s a wise teacher if I just have ears to listen and patience to pay attention. If I can try to welcome it and sit in the discomfort to discover the gift.
And trust me, it’s not always easy.
I’m far from perfect – especially when I was still feeling pretty crummy on Day 6 of the trip – aka the night we went into this aya ceremony – and I was admittedly super frustrated with my body for not getting better faster.
I was kind of a pouty brat on the inside if I’m being totally honest.
It felt like I was 7 years old again and didn’t know how to self soothe.
So I (begrudgingly) went into ceremony that night and asked my Higher Self and the medicine to help me, to show me and to heal me:
What’s the lesson, the pearl, the gift here?
What’s my body trying to show or tell me?
What kind of healing and support do I need right now?
“WHEN I’M NOT SHARING,
I GET SICK.”
I realized at that moment that I’ve been running myself absolutely ragged the past few months.
Juggling so many balls in the air, spreading myself so thin, over-committing, and just doing the most.
I’ve been in and out of town nonstop, always in motion, saying yes to everything that comes my way.
In turn, I’ve been less than stellar at carving out time and space to just be empty, free, spacious, available, quiet, and still.
Two reasons I already know this can be a recipe for inevitable Mel Burnout:
1. I’m someone who definitely recharges my battery alone at home.
2. When my schedule gets jam packed every moment, there’s no open time to let creativity and inspiration flow in.
My bandwidth for receiving and sharing sinks towards zero.
I turn into a dried up well.
A dense do-er go-go-goer non-stop worker bee.
A stressed out, overwhelmed tightly wound-up toy.
And I realized at this moment that my body is sick because it’s like a clogged up drain – all of the energy that’s supposed to normally be flowing through me is stuck, stagnant and stifled.
I haven’t been giving it anywhere soul-fueling to go!
I haven’t been sharing as much as I’d love to be.
At times it even feels daunting – even though it’s what I enjoy the most!
I make excuses.
“Oh, I’ll just skip Monday’s with Melissa. There’s always next week. Oh, no one will notice if I work from home more this week. Oh, The Blob is fine if I don’t write any articles this month.”
It’s so simple.
Yet, something I genuinely struggle with off and on.
IS PART OF
MY SELF CARING.
All of us get imposter syndrome – and the truth is, when we are here with a BIG MISSION in this life, when we come to really have an impact, it's inevitable that we are going to feel inadequate.
To think “who am I to take this on, to talk about this, to teach or guide other people, etc. I’m still a student myself figuring it all out.” … but we are ALL here in the school of life.
And we are ALL students, learning, growing, evolving, changing, tripping up, crashing hard, dusting ourselves off, trying again and again, forgetting, remembering, and doing the absolute best day in and day out with the tools that we have at the time.
I have A LOT of love to give.
I have A LOT of life experience to openly talk about – and most of it is pretty epic and cool!
I have MY STORY which I know better than ANYONE else in the entire world – and it happens to be the most powerful thing we can each claim and then connect with others on.
I have A VOICE and A CHOICE – where so many women in this world do not.
I have access to platforms, technologies, and freedoms that my mother and grandmothers never had – to share my ideas, spread my magic, and inject my most authentic essence into this world.
What a GIFT.
And thus, what a disservice to humanity and those around us who need to be touched by our love the most.
If not us, then who?
What are we waiting for?
We can write our own permission slips.
And just do it.
So today and from here on out,
I’m committed to being an open, flowing channel of love, inspiration, radical authenticity, compassion, vulnerability, pure joy, and audacious aliveness in ALL the ways I know how.
I’m committed to writing my heart out in Blob posts, emails, articles, and captions.
I’m committed to saying YES to speaking up and sharing what I think, feel and know through social media, stages, screens, podcasts, events, etc.
I’m committed to hosting more community events – like our recent cacao ceremony – to build deeper relationships, create a space for people to connect while filling their cups, and practice the art of facilitation.
I’m committed to showing up for my team of Melt Babes and being an even better leader who communicates and listens with more love.
I’m committed to continuing to cultivate my musicality – sharing my songs / singing and playing guitar in front of / with people as the medicine music of my soul.
I’m committed to REMEMBERING.
As many times as it takes…
WHO I AM.
WHY I’M HERE.
THE GIFTS I BRING.
THE SONG I CAME TO SING.
HOW I SERVE.
The world needs YOUR magic, YOUR shares, and YOUR superpowers right now more than ever.
I’m committed to finally birthing a HUGE VISION I’ve held in my heart since 2014 – a place for ALL of us to share – stay tuned for details on The Babehood coming 2023!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.